Double-Fisting

Do normal people double-fist Diet Coke and coffee first thing in the morning?

Probably not. But, then again, I am not normal people.

Our little family of four is now well into our fourth year of the long-distance commuter marriage arrangement upon which we embarked back in November 2010. I will be the first to gladly report that, with each day that passes, it gets easier to manage a household when flying solo and without the man-on-man defense that naturally comes with two-parent households. David and Elizabeth are (sob!) getting older and are much more self-sufficient. Once they are awake, they are self-starters in the morning. Sometimes, they even remember to make their beds.

I know grown adults who do not function with as much decorum and independence as these two kids do.

But, still, the morning routine is ... tiring. Both kids have inherited my penchant for hitting the snooze button on the alarm clock and/or attempting to negotiate (in a groggy stupor), for "five more minutes." Someone has to feed the dogs. And the cats, for that matter. Someone has to make certain that the alarm system is disarmed before we release the hounds into the backyard so that they can do their business. Oh, yes, and there is also the matter of getting dressed (which, I can report, the kids also do quite well on their own ... as do I).

Once I get to the office at Foothill Country Day School, I've usually sucked down about 50% of what I refer to as "Diet Coke #1" of the day. I set the offending beverage on my desk, grab a mug, and march directly to the Keurig coffee maker in the staff lounge for "Coffee #1 of the day." I return to my desk and begin the ritual of "double-fisting." This ritual continues for the better part of the morning.

Amazingly enough, this does not throw my pulse rate into tachycardia. Well, not always.

People often say to me, "I just don't know how you do it," usually referring to my single parenting obligations that I maintain throughout the work week. Usually, my response includes any or all of the following disclaimers:

1) I have two great kids, who make my job extraordinarily easy.
2) I am fueled by Diet Coke and coffee.
3) Said ingestion of caffeine does not, in any way, shape or form, impact my ability to nap at a moment's notice, which I also do whenever the opportunity presents itself.

And there you have it. My own hack. The trick up my sleeve for morning functionality.

Let's not, however, go into my life-long love affair with McDonalds. That's a blog post for another time.